This learning platform would never have existed without my father and the current state of the care system.
I’m an only child and cared for my father for 22 years – ‘on the side,’ as the authorities so kindly explained to me.
In practice, ‘on the side’ meant spending every weekend at my father’s place, getting the flat back in order, cooking ahead for the week, and going on outings with him. During the week, it meant coordinating medical appointments, driving over when the TV settings were messed up, or when the neighbours called because the front door was still open at 2 am.
22 years with holidays primarily in the Netherlands—so that if the worst came to the worst, I could be back quickly.
But there is respite care for holidays!
Yes, but when they call every day for every little thing and ask, ‘Can’t you take care of this, we don’t have enough staff…’, meaning you remain fully tied down even on holiday, then that is the theory, but not the reality.
After my father could no longer stay at home, we found a nursing home – a good one, I want to emphasise. But even there, it was impossible without me showing up practically every other day to settle matters.
That probably gives you some idea.
Did I mention that I also had 40-hour contracts at the same time and usually worked about 50 hours a week?
Officially, every one of my employers was understanding of my ‘family situation.’ But eventually, whenever there was another phase where I had to be at the hospital more often – often at short notice – things would happen that led to me not quite fitting into the team anymore. Often enough, I asked to be released from my employment contract so I could look after my father during those times.
As I got older, the odds were increasingly stacked against me.